Saturday, March 22, 2014

Internalizing

I've finally come to accept the face that I internalize everything.  Beyond the smiles and the calm demeanor I reflect... inside... oh boy.

My shoulders and back are so tense that I have chronic pain now.  Stretching and yoga help but... it's only temporary.  I started have GI symptoms that were so strange about two years ago... I saw GI... I have IBS.  It comes and goes without a reason or rhythm but... it's always a reminder something is wrong... and it has nothing to do with my gut.

If you saw me you'd never know... but inside I'm a mess.  A good mess though which means I have no desire to drink, or do meth or buy a sports car.

But what I have decided is to stop internalizing so much and just get it out.  I'm not a talker but my fingers work well and so... blog it is.  If nobody reads this that's fine... b/c it's really for me... but if it turns out to be great well... I'd be happy to have others read.

I decided to write about my residency because every day I always think about the same things.  My wife and kids, my parents, my sisters... but unfortunately, I always think about those kids.  Those kids who died in front of me and what an impression it made.  Sorry to be so glum... but I'm externalizing... so it's good for me... at least I hope it is.